JUST FOR LE FUN!

Hello world!

The Just For Laughs festival is happening in Montreal and I’m going to check it out! My man lover, Matt O’Brien, is doing a gala at Club Soda so I thought I’d come along for the ride. I’ve never been to the festival before and I’m so pumped to spend a week in Montreal with some of the greatest comedians in the world!

In other news, I finished my screenplay! This is my 1st attempt at a feature script, and I’m really happy with it. After letting many people read it and editing it 400 times, I had the balls to submit it to the Final Draft Screenwriting Contest.

I also started writing for CBC Punchline, so if you ever need a quick laugh check it out! Tons of funny little articles by some really great writers and comedians.

After Montreal I’ll be performing at Yuk Yuks Ottawa July 31st-August 2nd and Niagara Falls Yuk Yuks August 14-16.

Follow me on twitter @juliacomedy for other updates!

Hugs,

Julia

 

SHOWS and NEWS!

Hello sweet kittens!

I have exciting news! My podcast was nominated for a CANADIAN COMEDY AWARD! Isn’t that something? It’s called “We’re Doing It” and I host it with the beautiful and majestic Amanda Brooke Perrin.

It’s also NXNE so you know what that means….PARTY PARTY PARTY! SHOWS SHOWS SHOWS!

I’m performing Wednesday July 18th at Studio Bar. 824 Dundas W. 9:30PM. Come check it out!

Thursday and Friday I am c0-headlining Yuk Yuks Kitchener with Nick Beaton. If you live in the area, you gotta come check it out! It’s one of my favorite clubs to play in Ontario.

Also, just a reminder that Fountain Abbey, the show I co-host with Diana Love, is the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month. There’s a show today! 8PM, 1261 dundas w and it’s FREE. There will be no show Canada Day, but stay tuned for more info.

June 25th I’m performing on Chuckle Co, at Comedy Bar. 945 Bloor St W. 9PM

June 27th I’ll be doing Top Shelf Comedy at St. Louis Bar and Grill in the beaches. This show is always BONKERS.

June 29th and 30th I’M IN A PLAY! It’s called “I’m Dyin’ Bud” and I’m seriously honored to be a part of such a hilarious production.  The Box Theatre 103-89 Niagara Street (near king and Bathurst) June 29th 3PM and 8PM, June 30th 8PM.

https://www.facebook.com/events/233558020175489/

That’s it for now! More info, shows, fun stuff etc. TBA!

 

I’m Doing It!

HIIII!

The past week has been super busy and I just wanted to take a moment to say how #blessed I feel. I’ve been sick for almost 2 weeks now, but even that couldn’t get me down. Well, it did get me down for a while but then I had no choice but to power through! The sun is finally here and I think that it what’s giving me so much joy. I had a hectic weekend, and now that it’s over I want all my weekends to be just like that. Friday I had 4 auditions, Saturday I had a gig in Port Rowan with super funny amazing comics Jeff McEnery and Adam Christie, Sunday I rehearsed a play in the park and then I went and hosted Sunday Night Live. AH! I felt so creatively fulfilled and it reminded me how lucky I am to be pursuing my dream job.

Some really exciting shows are coming up this summer too! As I mentioned, I’m rehearsing for a play. It’s called “I’m Dyin’ Bud”, written by Bryn Pottie and Donny Kehoe. The short comedic play follows the struggles of one dysfunctional North Bay family. It will be playing at The Box Theatre June 29 and 30th. Stay tuned for more details!

June 2nd I’ll be performing at The Rivoli for the Toronto round of “SiriusXM Canada’s Top Comic” for a chance to win 15 grand! Come on down and laugh real hard!

June 5th I’ll be in Niagara Falls showcasing at COCA!

June 18 I’ll be performing at NXNE!

What a fun month! Now go outside and get a patio beer. You earned it!

Hugs,

Julia

Self Dream Diagnosis

I’d be a terrible mother. If I checked up on my hypothetical kids as much as I did my website, they’d be toast. Lucky for me and everyone I don’t have kids! However, I am having some crazy dreams lately. I know what you’re thinking: “shut up no one cares about your stupid dreams.” These are usually my sentiments exactly when someone tries to tell me about their dream. This time it’s different though. As of Monday I started a new eating plan called “Whole30″. It’s basically a restricted paleo diet and no, I’m not allowed to have alcohol. (kill me). I’ll talk about whole30 another day. Today is all about dreaming! Maybe I could dream I was having a glass of wine…

Since making the change, I have been sleeping more soundly and having ridiculous dreams that appear to have some sort of symbolism in them. It could all be a load bull garbage, but I decided to look into it anyway!

My dream a few nights ago was in short about me reconciling with an ex boyfriend. My current boyfriend was there too, and he dropped his egg which cracked and then ants came out of the yolk. WHAT.

Believe it or not, this is not the first time I’ve dreamt of bugs coming out of eggs. I have no idea what this means and even the internet is stumped. Here’s the best analysis I/Internet could come up with

1)I’m eating a lot of eggs on this diet (this is my non-expert analysis)
2)“To see or eat eggs in your dream symbolize fertility, birth and your creative potential. Something new is about to happen.” -dreammoods.com (definitely not in the baby or birthing mood, BUT new things are happening…)
3)
“To see cracked or broken eggs in your dream represent feelings of vulnerability or a fragile state in your life. Consider the phrase, walking on eggshells. Alternatively, you may be breaking out of your shell and being comfortable with who you are.” -dreammoods.com (I’d say a little from column A and a little from column B)

The whole ex boyfriend part has endless interpretations. The closest one I could find was this:

“To dream that your ex-boyfriend is giving you advice about your current relationship suggests that your subconscious is telling you not to repeat the same mistakes that you had made with this ex-boyfriend.”

In conclusion, I’m making mistakes in my relationship, I’m vulnerable and I’m breaking out of my shell. Right? I still like to think it’s because I’m eating too many eggs but there doesn’t seem to be any dream “science” to back that up.


Last night I dreamed that I was given 4 pugs. (YAY. ACTUAL DREAM COME TRUE) Then, I FED ALL OF THE SMALLER PUGS TO THE BIGGEST PUG. (seriously, wtf) After realizing what I had done, I regretted it and considered giving the pug the heimlich or making him vomit to get the rest of the pugs back. Then my alarm went off. I’m really hoping this means I will be showered in pugs for the rest of my life, but something tells me that won’t happen. Here’s what I found.

“To see a pug in your dream highlights your playful and strong character. It may also mean that you are open and receptive to new changes.” (YAY. I like this one)

Then there was the creepy part about feeding pugs to other pugs. I didn’t know how to even go about researching this so I broke it down. Here’s what they say about feeding.

“To dream that you are feeding someone indicates that someone in your life is in need of love and acceptance. That someone could be an aspect of yourself.” (OOooo. deep.)

Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything about feeding pugs to other pugs. I bet there’s some weird porn about it somewhere. I did find stuff about killing animals, but in my dream killing the pugs was not my intention. It just made sense for the little pugs to be inside the big pug, like a Matroyshka Doll.

“To see a Matryoshka Doll in your dream refers to the many inner components of your persona. There are many layers to your personality that you need to get through in order to unveil what is truly underneath. Perhaps you feel that no one knows the real you or that no one has taken the time to discover all the different sides of you. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor for some revelation.”


Soooo I guess I’m a playful, strong person in need of love and NO ONE KNOWS THE REAL ME.

I’d like to say that I’ve learned something from this, but I don’t think I have. I fear that reading too much into my dreams will just worry me, so I’m going to focus on what I do while I’m conscious. Reading into your dreams can be dangerous because there is just too much information. It’s like googling your symptoms. Every time I google symptoms for what is probably a common cold, google tells me I have cancer.

The best part of dreammood.com is that it can tell you what your dream about Princess Diana meant. So, all you weirdos out there, ENJOY!

“To see Princess Diana in your dream indicates that you need to be more compassionate or giving. Alternatively, the image of Princess Diana may signify a loveless relationship and your search for true love.”


Happy dreaming y’all! Don’t forgot to come check me out next time I’m performing. You can tell me about your stupid dreams;)



In-N-Out Burger: The I Love You Story.

Oh man am I ever bad at keeping my website updated!

I’m in California and couldn’t be happier to escape the brutal Canadian winter. This one is a real doozy so far.

1st stop was San Francisco for Sketch Fest and it was such a blast! Great shows, great people, great food and so much drinking. Can we talk about happy hour in America? From 4-7 I am truly so so happy. Cheap Cheap CHEAP! Happy hour hopping along the pier in San Fran is the most fun I’ve had in a while. Who knew that $5 prosecco and $1 oysters could make all your troubles melt away? The only problem with happy hour is that one get’s hammered by 10PM and is in bed by $11. We learned how to pace ourselves as the week went on.

We then drove from San Fran to LA for the next portion of our trip. The highlight for me(other than the beautiful tumble weed) was stopping at In-N-Out burger. Oh buddy I love that place. They do one thing but they do it great. My favourite is a double cheese burger, animal style. For those of you who havent’ had In-N-Out Burger before, do yourselves a favour and march down to California NOW. If that is not an option, go to Burgers Priest in Toronto. Although it’s quite a bit pricier and their burgers are more elaborate, it’s the closest thing I have found to In-N-Out. They ever say that In-N-Out was one of their inspirations!

We arrived in LA on a rainy night(I thought it wasn’t supposed to rain in LA?!) with bellies full of burgers and excitement for the week ahead. Obviously the first thing we did the next morning was go to Trader Joe’s. Trader Joe’s is a grocery store that is like a cheaper, way cooler Whole Foods. Just ask Christina Walkinshaw. She has a major hard on for TJ’s, as most respectable women do. I just needed to buy some fruit and vegetables because I had been cramming my body full of pizza, burgers, beer and chowder for a whole week in San Fran. I found my favourite wine, Ravenswood, for $8. This wine is $18 in Toronto. California is a wino’s dreamland. I would like to reenact the movie Sideways here.

I’m proud to say that I’ve eaten 3 salads since being here and been on 2 hikes. The first one was at Griffith Park. We trudged up sketchy looking trails, ate funky turkey jerky on top of a mountain and tromped over to the observatory. Today we did Runyon Canyon. Lots a cool 20 somethings in technicolor running shoes accompanied by small adorable dogs. This is more of a people watching hike, although it is still hard and made me want to barf for a second. Did I mention I got In-N-Out last night again at 1am? The burger was bouncing around my gullet for the whole hike.

What makes this trip to LA so special(Other than In-N-Out) is the fact that there are SO many Canadians here! I feel like I’m back in Toronto, except the weather is way better and you have to drive everywhere. I’ve been enjoying the sun, the beach, the mountains, the food, the shows, the Canadians and new friends.

I’m staying in a funky neighborhood called Silverlake at an Air Bnb. Our hosts are lovely and they have a beautiful husky named Odin. Now, if you excuse me, I have a dog to pet.

Hugs,

Julia

PS: I plan on getting In-N-Out burger several more times before I leave. I need to bulk up and get an extra layer of warmth to survive the remainder of this cold canadian winter!

West Coast Comedy

So, I’ve been back in Toronto a week tomorrow, but I really needed some time to decompress before I wrote this blog.

November 11th I set off to the Seattle International Comedy Competition in GUESS WHERE? Alabama! Just kidding, it was obviously in Seattle. At least I thought it would be be most shows were actually outside of Seattle including Bellingham, Bellevue, Renton, Auburn and Kirkland. Over 1300 comedians applied, and only 32 made it in. Lucky me! From there they split the 32 into 2 groups of 16 for the preliminary round. Six shows over six night. I was in round  2 and only the top 5 from each group would move on to the semis.

I don’t think I was fully prepared for this emotional mind fuck. Comedy competitions are a strange thing because comedy is so subjective. So when you see your set broken down into a series of numbers and decimals on a graph it’s very strange and unsettling. Alas, I was the one who applied to this competition so I new (kinda) what I was getting into.

I won’t go into the details of each night because I feel like I’ve talked it to death with other comedians who were going through the same thing and friends and family back home. I will say that I was was doing extremely well over the 1st 3 nights of the comp. I felt confident in my material and was having fun on stage. I was doing my jokes, the way I like doing them and wasn’t trying to cater to the judges. (because how the heck would I know what they like anyway? we’re not allowed to know who the judges are!)

I took first place at the Market Theatre which was the only actual show in Seattle proper. It also happened to be my birthday that night. It was a magical evening and I’ve never given myself such a wonderful present. I haven’t felt that excited, shocked, happy and proud in a long time. The next night I placed 15th. I went from feeling the biggest high to the biggest low. What happened you ask? I second guessed myself and my material. It was TV clean night, and I have a whole set prepared. Last minute I took some advice(that was truly meant to be helpful) and I ended up switched my set at the final hour! It was 20 minutes before I was about to go on, and here I was trying to jam a whole new set into my head. Jokes I thought the “TV clean” judges would like. I don’t mind the jokes I told. I actually like them and think they’re some of my more well written and clever jokes. However, I usually do them in a longer set after the audience has gotten to know and trust me. Here I was, cramming these jokes into a 5 minute set, worried about going over time. I felt like I had left my body and nervous Julia from 6 years ago came in to tell my jokes.

I know now that I have to trust myself and my instincts. Sometimes I look to others for the answers when I should be looking to myself. Even if I hadn’t done well with my original set, it would have felt a million times better than failing with a set I didn’t even want to do.

That night shook my confidence and while I was happy with the last two shows, I didn’t rank as high with the judges. On the last night I took 14th place which was perhaps the biggest kick in the face of all. I had a great set that night, even after the host went on a told jokes that didn’t go over well and said “well, now that I’ve killed the crowed, give it up for your next comedian Julia Hladkowicz!”. At that point I realized that you can’t base your talent or your worth off of what 3 judges that night think. It was so hard in the moment because I finished 7th overall and was half a point away from making it to top 5 and moving on. There were no female comics in the top 10 which was upsetting because we had some seriously hilarious women in our round.

After feeling sorry for myself, crying a bit and then laughing and drinking a bunch of rum and cokes I realized how lucky I was to even be in this competition competing with so many wonderful comedians. I made some real friendships with people from so many different US cities and even from Australia. I am so proud of my fellow canadian pals that moved onto the semis, and then again to the finals. This competition breaks you, but makes you stronger.

When I didn’t move on, I managed to take a negative and turn it into a positive. Instead of flying back to Toronto I decided to embark on a mini west coast adventure. It was a rewarding and magical experience that I’ll tell you all about in my next blog. Come back in a few days!

 

 

Pumpkin Party

It’s fall!

The leaves are changing, the temperature is dropping and people are packing on the pounds because WHO GIVES A DAMN. I can’t blame my gaining a few pounds on fall though. The past 2 weeks have been filled with JFL42 festivities and the Canadian Comedy Awards in Ottawa. Needless to say I was constantly drinking and eating a lot of cheese. (Because cheese is amazing always, and especially great when you’ve wet your whistle.) By the way, The CCAF was SO much fun. All my comedian pals were dressed to the nines and we celebrated the abundance of talent we have in this country by getting wasted. YAY

I love this time of year because it feels like a new beginning. I start to take on new projects, buy new fall clothes, and eat more fall foods. What are fall foods you ask? Any kind of thing you’d consider comfort food, and anything pumpkin.

Pumpkins are full of vitamins and are delicious is many forms, including pies. Who doesn’t love pie?! Today I’m going to make a pumpkin loaf and tomorrow I think I’ll try a pumpkin smoothie. I know, living on the edge guys. Also, can we talk about the gourds that are jazzing up my dining room table? So cute.

With thanksgiving and halloween coming up, I can’t help but be drawn to colourful oranges, yellows and reds. Also sunflowers are cheaper than regular flowers right now, and a pumpkin lasts as a decorative centrepiece for months, and then you can throw it at your arch nemesis. (JUST KIDDING I LOVE EVERYONE HAAAAAA)

What am I doing when I’m not buying gourds you ask? Oh, just working on my very first screenplay AND sitcom. I know. I haven’t written an episode of a sitcom in 5 years, and now I decide to write a movie and a full sitcom all at the same time. I’ve finally been inspired to write more than just sketch and stand-up again. It’s a different muscle that needs to be developed. I may be slacking at getting real muscles at the gym, but I am pumping my writing muscles and each day getting stronger. It helps to have a good support group of people you can share your writing with or people who will drag you out to a cafe to write so you don’t sit on your ass all day and watch Breaking Bad on UK Netflix. (also, have you SEEN what’s on UK Netflix? So good.)

Pumpkin loaf is cooking as we speak. I used a can pumpkin because it’s much less work than roasting a whole pumpkin AND the flavour of canned pumpkin works better in the loaf in my opinion. It’s pure pumpkin too, not the canned pie filling with sugar and whatnot.

Considering this is a comedy blog I sure do talk about food a lot eh? Perhaps I should tell some pumpkin jokes…

1) tiny pumpkins look like gourds who used proactive AM I RIGHT?
2) why did the pumpkin cross the road? HE DIDN’T SOME ASSHOLE TEENAGER THREW HIM AGAINST HIS WILL.
3) knock knock. who’s there? orange. orange who? orange ya glad I don’t tell pumpkin jokes for a living?

BURN. Speaking of burn, I should check my loaf.

LOAF IS LOOKIN’ GOOOOOD. It’s too hot to taste right now but I’m sure it’ll be divine.

That’s all for now folks. If you took anything away from this blog today, buy something festive. Gourds and pumpkins are cheap and will make you feel so alive. PS SIDE NOTE. Diana Love and I are starting bi-weekly show at The Fountain (Dundas/Dovercourt) called FOUNTAIN ABBEY. It’s going to be a riot and the first show is October 15th at 8PM. SEE YOU THERE!!!

Hugs,

Julia

WE’RE DOING IT

Hello friends in blog land!

I HAVE SOME GREAT NEWS. If you’re having a hard time reading all these words with your eyes, you can now just LISTEN to me with your ears! I have a new podcast called ‘WE’RE DOING IT’ with my hilarious and talented comedian friend, Amanda Brooke Perrin.

Each week on We’re Doing It, we do something different! Something that we normally wouldn’t do. As comedians, it’s easy to get stuck in a routine of writing, going to open mics and hanging out with other comedians. We decided that it was time to spice things up and try new things. Each week we also have a guest on our podcasts including comedians, writers, producers, managers and just regular people!

Go to iTunes to download WE’RE DOING IT right now! iTunes said we were NEW AND NOTEWORTHY! Download, subscribe, rate, comment! You can also follow us on twitter @WDIpodast @juliacomedy @brookeperrin

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/were-doing-it/id677440412?mt=2

or if you don’t have iTunes you can check it out at weredoingit.libsyn.com

We’re doing it and we think you should do it too!!

Hugs,

Julia

 

HLADKOWICZ HEADLINES YUK YUKS TORONTO

I’M YELLING BECAUSE I’M EXCITED!

This week, from July 24-27 I have my very first headline week at Yuk Yuks! I’ve been doing stand-up for about six years now and this is a big deal for me.

When I first started, I was young and had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Now, I am still fairly young and have no idea what I’m talking about. (Well, I have an idea…but still a lot to learn.) It’s crazy to think back to my first set at Yuk Yuks. Back then I couldn’t even imagine talking for 40 minutes on stage and making people laugh. I was barely able to get my 4 minute set out without vomiting on the front row.

I’m now 25 years old. Sometimes I get down on myself and think I should have accomplished more by now. Why am I not in a sitcom? Why am I not writing on a sitcom? Why am I not in LA? Why am I not at Just For Laughs?

I think I know the answer to these questions. Probably because the time isn’t right. Probably because I’m not actually ready but if I keep working hard, these things will come. Comedy is a very unpredictable business and you can’t always foresee a clear path. There are things I have accomplished over the past 6 years that weren’t on my comedy bucket list. Opportunities that I didn’t even know were possible! So right now, as I sit in bed forcing myself to be positive because I’m having a last minute panic about life and my comedic/acting abilities(yes this is a run on sentence) I’m going to focus on some of the things I have accomplished.

1) I have performed in many comedy festivals in America and eaten my fair share of grits
2) I’ve been in 2 hilarious commercials with Roger Federer and I saw him topless
3) I’m currently in a Sportsnet commercial where I look like a ‘sexy’ russian science ghost


4) Some old guy just told me he loves my ‘work’ on YTV’s extreme baby sitting
5) I have a comedy special called ‘No Kidding’ on iChannel that nobody has ever seen
6) I’m in a disco documentary that premiered at TIFF and got to wear fake eyelashes


7) A girl at Sneaky Dee’s recognized me from Vine
8 ) I performed 10 times last week
9) I wear a black afro wig about once a week to bring joy to myself and the world
10) I’m 25 and I’m headlining Yuk Yuks Downtown Toronto this week and I’m ready. Cool.

So come to Yuk Yuks this week to see me perform. I will not be wearing fake eye lashes or a wig but it will still be great.

Wednesday: 8PM
Thursday: 8PM
Friday: 9PM
Saturday: 8PM & 10:30PM

www.yukyuks.com for ticket reservations and info.

See you guys there!

Hugs,

Julia

I’ve always (not really) depended on the kindness of strangers.

Oh hello there!

It’s a beautiful day here in Toronto, SO hot in fact I think my patio furniture is melting. I guess that’s my own fault for buying an entire patio set for $70 at Walmart.

So, I don’t know if it’s the heat but in the last couple weeks I’ve noticed that people are behaving like children lately. Not those cute kids who sit quietly and play in the sand and you just want to pinch their cute little faces. Those asshole kids who throw sand in your face then say sorry even though they’re really not and continue to terrorize the playground.

Here’s the thing, kids are allowed to be assholes, because they’re still learning. They don’t know any better. But adults, whether they be your friends, family or strangers, should know better. When did strangers become so bold? Perhaps it’s the influx of social media where we’re constantly being bombarded by other people’s lives, but I’m finding more and more people online and in person are telling you what they think-when you didn’t ask for it. Now, I realize that I’m writing a blog right now, and telling you what I think but it’s for you to decided whether or not you’d like to read it. I’m not putting this blog on audio books and shoving headphones in your ears and forcing you to listen to it.

So here’s what happened. My best friend and Comedian Diana Love has some acne. She’s very aware of this, and while she does not love her acne, she deals with it. For some reason, strangers feel the need to point this out to her ALL THE TIME. Some want to be helpful, some are curious and some are just dicks. Whatever their motivation is, I would kindly like to say to them SHUT THE FUCK UP. As if she doesn’t know that she has acne?! Way to bring it up COMPLETE STRANGER. Perhaps the most upsetting incident was when a dude came into her work to fix the printers. He looks at her, makes a  finger motion to his face and asks ‘What’s going on here’. She just started at this cock smoker blankly. He CONTINUED by saying ‘is it allergies? sun?’ to which she replied “It’s the herpes I got from banging you mom” NO. I lied. She did not say that. But that would have been amazing. Why is it this mans business at all? You were hired to do a job. Do it. The job description of printer fixer man does not say ‘and bring up something on the customers face. just to make it awkward for everyone.’ Check out the link below to find out the full story from Diana Love!

http://dianalovecomedy.tumblr.com/post/55697274859/little-venty-poo

I just finished reading Jen Kirkman’s book ‘I can barely take care of myself’.’ In short, it’s a book about her being child free by choice, and how some people just can’t understand that and feel the need to constantly ask her and shame her about it. There’s many instances in the book where complete strangers find out she doesn’t want to have kids and bombard her with questions, call her selfish, tell her she’s going to change her mind. Jen doesn’t want to have a child because that’s her choice. But what if she did want to have a child and was barren? What if she did have some debilitating disease that stopped her from reproducing? What if she had just had a miscarriage? What if she actually didn’t have a vagina and was like some weirdo Barbie? What I’m trying to say is, you have NO idea why people make these choices and frankly it’s none of your business STRANGERS. You don’t know what’s going on with Diana’s face and she doesn’t want you to know. The same way that Jen doesn’t want you to analyze who why where when or what is going to fertilize her eggs or not. These are personal issues. Also, her book is awesome. Read it.

I had my own run in yesterday on Vine. Oh the fun things that happen on Vine! Vine is an app where you can post 6 second videos about anything. I make funny videos, because I am a comedian. I was almost at 800 followers the other day so Matt and I decided to make a Vine celebrating that! In it , I’m wearing a grey tank top and shorts. Matt says ‘you almost have 800 followers on Vine are you excited?’ and then it cuts to me looking sad holding a sparkler and ‘celebrate good times’ is playing in the background.

 

I looked dumpy in the video, but that was the point! I thought it was funny so I posted it. The next day I get a comment from a complete stranger…”Are…are you pregnant Julia?? You look gorgeous btw!”

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT. I am so ticked off I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, WHO ARE YOU? Second of all NEVER ASK A WOMAN IF SHE’S PREGANT UNLESS YOU ARE 100% SURE.  Obviously she didn’t know if it was appropriate to ask because of her ellipsis. “Are…(oh shit I probably shouldn’t ask this but I’m so curious about this woman I know nothing about) are you pregnant?” AND THEN as if saying “You look gorgeous btw!” makes it any better??? Golly gee Amy Jackson, my fat pregnant ass is just glowing with all this baby growing inside me! Thanks for noticing!

 

I’m sure this wasn’t a malicious comment but keep this shit to yourself lady. Even when I was a kid I knew this was wrong. In grade 3 during a parent teacher interview, my friends mom went it to talk to our teacher, who was quite robust. The FIRST thing she says to the teacher is ‘When are you expecting’. !!!!!%$*&)(*_))(%#$%^*&$^%#$& !!!! and the teacher says “I’m. Not. Pregnant.”  Where the fuck do you go from there? “Now let’s talk about how your kid is failing math and how I want to punch you right in the vagina”

It never ends well. Luckily, I am a thin person but like so many woman I do have body issues and no matter how beautiful or fit a person is, no one likes to be told they look fat. What if I had gained weight and was feeling self conscious? What if I was formerly anorexic and finally getting back to a healthy weight? This pregnant comment could have been extremely hurtful and potentially dangerous. It bothers me because my boyfriend Matt who is in tons of my Vine videos has a bigger stomach that he flaunts all the time and he’s hilaaaaarious. (he really is. that wasn’t sarcasm) But when I looks dumpy in ONE video I’m all the sudden preggers? Go fuck yourself.

At least now I can make a hilarious pregnant Vine rebuttal, because that’s how I deal with my issues. By passive aggressively Vining and blogging.

Bottom line is, keep some shit to yourself people. Two wise women once said ‘If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight, it’s NONE OF YO BUSINESS’ -Salt-N-Pepa

And they were right. It IS none of yo business.

PS look how cute and unpregnant I look in this bathing suit.

Hugs,

Julia

 

Julia Comedy Dot Com